Paris + Me = Infinite Magnificence

* Do you consider yourself fabulous? How so?
* What qualities make you the perfect celebrity BFF?
* What similarities do you share with Paris? How are you different?
* It's hard to stay in the public eye. How would you maintain the limelight?

Fabulous is a severe understatement concerning the kind of finesse I fly with. I wake up in a state of pure glamour every morning. It’s so shocking that I have to stay in my room until it dies down a little (its effect is similar to that of looking directly into the sun). When I’m not exaggerating, I’m being sarcastic. And when I’m not being sarcastic I’m being as close to normality as I come. But always, I am fabulous. And fabulous, as you may or may not know, is far from normal.

You could metaphorically drown in my celebrity BFF qualities. I’ve been working on my car-to-boutique-stroll-with-sunglasses-and-smirk walk for a good year now. I think I have it down pat. The paparazzi will no doubt flock to it. My high school senior portrait was an “over the shoulder” shot…something else a celebrity BFF has to have mastered. I’m very down-to-earth honest and frank about things. I’m also devastatingly fabulous, did I mention that yet?

What do Paris and I have in common? Paris and I are about the same height. This will make photos much less awkward. The symmetry will be blindingly beautiful. We also both love to shop. This is very convenient, because you can shop almost anywhere! We are different because I am a brunette and she is a blonde. Together, we will be like a complete yin-yang. It’s almost scary to think about how perfect it is. I am shuddering with fear.

How would I maintain the limelight? I think it’s actually really easy to stay in the public eye. All you have to do is go batshit crazy every now and then and lick the sidewalk or something else grotesque. But I won’t stoop this level. I prefer to flatter the media with my incessant wit and charm.

Side Note: This blog has a very satirical air to it. I like to joke around a lot and have fun. But I’d like to add that I’m very seriously interested in being Paris’ BFF. The greatest thing about Paris is that she is herself no matter what people say. No matter how much criticism comes her way, she’ll always be Paris!

So how about a little vote?

13 comments   |   permalink flag for review